Apparently, my emotional shit storm isn't over. I had an experience this last Saturday and it's awakened something in me, or at the very least made me aware of something I have probably had all along but didn't trust it, believe it, know it....pick one.
I was sitting on the futon this morning and just suddenly started crying. That's not me. That's someone else, only I don't know who....well, maybe I do.
I was told once that in most of my past lives, I've been a healer. I believe I am in this life too. I look back and see how many people would come to me just to talk and whatever words I found seemed to help them--even when the words weren't all that nice.
It happens at work too. I have a big white chair in my office and I'll have a parade of people come sit in it and the next thing I know, I know their life story or I know their most recent emotional injury and when they leave, they tell me they feel better. Go figure because I'm not really a warm and fuzzy personality.
I know I've had people come to me just because of how I hug them. Bear hug, not this cheek to cheek shit. Hugs heal.
I've had people call me and ask me to just talk them to sleep. I know what you're thinking--"It's because you bore them into sleep." To you, I'd say, "Bite me." I believe it's part of my gift.
So, whatever messages, images, thoughts or feelings I'm now aware of are meant to heal. I just have to figure out how to use it and on whom. I also have to find a teacher because if I don't learn how to control this, my head will fly apart.
Welcome to midlife.