Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Christmas Day 2012

It's Christmas day.  The oldest just walked through the living room in a stupor headed for the bathroom then returned to his room and went back to bed.  I'm not sure he's even conscious.  I'm not sure I am.

What happened to the day when the boys couldn't wait to get up and see what Santa had brought them?  What happened to the day when I couldn't wait FOR them to get up and see what Santa had brought them?  Right, that sort of died when they found out who Santa really was.  The glitter fell off of the day.  The shine left and now, it's not much more than a regular day.

At least that's what this one feels like.  Of course, we've never really made a huge deal out of it probably because until this year, Hannukah was a big deal, but even this year that was just a blip.

I'm not sure why.  Maybe because there's been death and loss and heartache for much of the year.  Maybe because we said goodbye to good friends and family.  Maybe because child-like left this house.  Maybe...maybe....maybe....

I remember when I found out who Santa was and I was crushed.  It felt like I was forced to grow up and leave child-like behind.  There have been many other events in my life that has forced me to leave child-like behind and I'm discovering that I have some resentments about that.  I know--I know--resentments are poison.  I'm working to identify and release them.  There was a photo on facebook that read something to the effect of forgive and release.  That's my new year's resolution but don't get me started about those.  That's an entirely different post.

Christmas is a big deal, or at least it should be.  Not because of the material things that come along with it.  That's a product of brilliant marketing and greed.  It should be a big deal because of the emotions and sentiment that comes with it, the traditions that many of us have created and fostered over the years, because it brings the child-like back.  It should be a big deal because of what it puts into our hearts.  It should be a bigger deal because it should reinforce that what we feel around this season should be felt and practiced all year.  

Why do we hold one day out to give a gift?  To express our feelings for one another?  Why is it safe for only one day to do this?  Why have we set ourselves up like this?  Why have we made one day to either elate us or set ourselves up for a grand disappointment?  

Maybe this day should be just like any other day.

Or maybe, just maybe, all the Who's down in Whoville, all the creatures big and small, should make every day just like this one special day.