I Have an Anger, a Resentment and a Sadness

Our homeschooling days are coming to an end. Because of my SO's disease, she can no longer homeschool our boys. That saddens and angers me. This disease is slowly eroding our way of life. It's taking away some of our freedoms. Because we are having to put the boys in school, we will no longer get to make our annual trip to Florida. That really saddens me. The death of a tradition.

I hate this disease. I hate what it's doing to my family. I hate that science doesn't seem to be working very hard to cure this or prevent it.

I'm angry for my children because their lives are being profoundly impacted now. They must go to school and will not be thrust into situations that we'd hoped to keep them out of. They are losing their educational freedom and to some extent their innocense.

I'm just angry. I'm resentful. I'm sad both for my SO and me and for my children. They are frightened and I there's nothing I can do to fix that for them. They are angry. I can't fix that either. I can only support them.

I'm angry for the disruption this is causing my family. I can't fix that right now either.

Today is my oldest's first day at MASE. He is no longer a homeschooler. He is being pushed into a setting that nearly makes him sick at his stomach. I can't fix that either.

I can't fix any of this and that makes the angriest of all.

Election Night

I can't stand it.  The tension and the anticipation is driving me crazy.  And yet, here I sit watching this ......train wreck.............this autopsy.............this public display of sex.

Ok, maybe not that because that would be or could be enjoyable.  But the other two are pretty accurate descriptions of what watching election returns is like.

I should go read a book and just wake up tomorrow and scream that Santa has been here.  Or Satan, depending on who wins and I'll not give my hopes away here.  Some of you can probably guess though.

Good lord, make me get up.

I know this is history in the making but I can't stand the suspense.

I'm going to go read. 

See you tomorrow.

Camping at Chickasaw State Park

We drove up yesterday to camp just the one night.  The boys and I went and did a little fishing.  Nothing was biting where we were.  Would probably help to have a boat but we don't so we just played by the water and wasted some worms.  Later, around the campfire, we commented that watching the fire is just as entertaining, and maybe moreso, than watching TV.  I could stare at the fire for hours.  The boys enjoyed it.  No computers.  No Wii, Nintendo or whatever else they have.  We did some walking, wood gathering, fishing, talking and enjoying the company.  It was very peaceful and relaxing.  I should add that Chickasaw is very close to the town that I did most of my growing up in.  I lived in Henderson from 8 years old until 15 years old.  I loved it and used to run in the woods from the time I got up in the mornings until it was nearly dark and time for dinner.  The woods around Chickasaw are just like the woods I played in.  I had lots of memories come back to me.  It was good.

I didn't get much sleep.  Never do but just because I don't sleep well isn't a reason not to go.  Everybody else sleeps fine.

I'm ready to go back.  It's just 2 hours up the road and it's a beautiful drive.  We found a second lake but can only fish on that one if the camp isn't rented out.  There was a father and son duo out there.  He showed me the fish they'd caught.  Some damn fine Crappie.  Someone will eat good tonight.

Won't be us unless we go out.

The dogs are exhausted.  Both of them ran and ran and swam.  The yorkie found something in a wood pile next to the water that he wanted really badly.  He was furious with me when I took him away from it.  That's all we need is some snake bit emergency out there in the middle of nowhere.  Silly animal.  So he walked in the water just to get back at me then made sure to jump up in my side of the car and walk around allll over my seat.

Little effer.

Was a good weekend.  Made some memories.  Enjoyed the moment and will do it again.