Saturday, September 12, 2009

Mother Nature? Eerie Crying Face Seen in Melting Glacier |

Go take a look at this. Amazing.

Mother Nature? Eerie Crying Face Seen in Melting Glacier |

God Grant Me the Patience

Dealing with my bi-polar 15 year old is a test.  I recognize that.  What I don't understand is why the gods feel the need to test me in this way.  Is it to see just how far I can be pushed before I snap and end up in the psych ward?  Is it some form of punishment for something I've done in one of my past lives?

Not only is he 15, a teenager, with raging hormones, he's bi-polar which makes the raging hormones look like cake.  There have been days when it took every ounce of control that I had not to hurt him.

It started already this morning.  First thing, there's a fight over homework and electronics.  I'm ready to take them all away from him until school is out for the summer.  It's exhausting and tests my ability to continue loving him when he acts like this.  It feels like it's getting worse, his behavior.  And when he comes in after one of the fights to apologize and make nice, it feels fake and usually is because when he asks to get his computer back or his game back and I tell him no, he blows up again.  It's like living in an abusive relationship.  It is abusive.  One never knows how he will react when told to do something.

I'm reaching a breaking point and it scares me.

Friday, September 11, 2009

September and Florida

Oh my gosh, this will be the first September in 17 years that we aren't spending it at the beach.  We made the choice to put both boys in school which took away the freedom to go play for a month.  I'm going through withdrawals already.  I have some sand and shells at work that I will put out on my table so I can at least put my fingers in it.  I'll have to find some records of the ocean to play.

The beach is always a place for me to recharge my batteries, as it were, and god knows after the last few months at work, I need recharging.  Decisions there have been made that feel like betrayal to me.  I feel like my support from my management has been yanked out from under me and I can't get anybody to shoot straight with me about why.

An employee was chosen to lead the department I'm in who has only 4 years as a professional, who has two managers that have complained TO ME about her work ethic, attendance, attitude and how she treats other people, and no leadership experience.  And now, that same employee has been nominated to attend a managerial executive development program.  I was not and yet I've been through the supervisory program.  She hasn't.  I'm not seeing the fairness in this.  I'm not seeing the logic.  I'm not seeing the rightness. 

She is black.  I am white.  One wonders.

And yet....and yet....and yet.....I'm asked to do the investigations.  I am requested specifically by other departments.  I am given the large assignments.  Why?  I would assume it's because I am competent and have demonstrated that.

One wonders.
I need the beach.
I need the truth.

I can handle the truth.