Friday, October 26, 2012

I Know What's Wrong with Me

So, you know, I've been doing the weight loss journey which has started some emotional sloughing off as well.  And that's kind of interesting because as you know, when you lose a layer of skin, the layer underneath is very tender and sensitive to the slightest little things.  I'm finding that to be true now.  One emotional layer is lifted and the one revealed is just bloody hypersensitive.

As one also knows, when that layer heals, it's usually a little more rugged than the one before so, as the saying goes, what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.  As each layer is revealed and allowed to heal, I only get stronger.

Maybe more honest with myself, which is just a frightening thing for me.  I've always been able to compartmentalize my life and I still do.  I'm good at it.  But, I'm finding that I don't have to do it as often as I used to.

I'm also learning that there are things that I just don't have time for.  For instance, a long, hard and fast rule for me is don't lie to me.  I can tolerate theft, a body check, an insult and hatred as long as it's honest.  I can't abide a liar because all you have is your word and I place my friendship and trust in your word.  You screw that up and the foundation of my friendship and trust is blown ALL to hell.  It's happened.

I have less energy for the energy vampires out there and we all have them.  People who just try to suck the wind and juice out of you.  If you aren't willing to try and make changes to make things better then SHUT THE FUCK UP.  I don't have time for you anymore.

I've learned that this emotional trip has opened me to new friendships and experiences and I like it.  I still don't like crowds and prefer smaller settings with close friends but am not opposed to going to large parties.  Just not all the time.

I don't have time for fake and I find that at a lot of large parties.  People who will be nice to your face then spit on the floor when you walk away.  Don't like that.  See comment about energy vampires.

As I go through this emotional purging, my filter is getting thinner and thinner.  If you ask me a question and don't like the answer, don't get angry with me.  Check your own self cuz that's your issue, not mine.

And finally, you may not like me when all of this is over.  That's ok.  If you can't stick with me through this then...well...fuck off.  I needed to get rid of you in the first place.

BTW...I was 217 this morning.  Started at 24.5.  I'm 3lbs away from my 5% goal.  Bouyah!

1 comment:

Diane said...

Life is about changing and growing. I'm happy you're walking this weight loss path, may it prove as good to you as it has been to me. Love you always and no matter what (and I am glad you're willing to do some big parties, 'cause people really LIKE your cranky ass!)