Monday, March 30, 2009


I was reading the posts of some of my friends on Facebook and one had put this up there:

"Mary Antin, 1912: We are not born all at once, but by bits. The body first, and the spirit later; and the birth and growth of the spirit, in those who are attentive to their own inner life, are slow and exceedingly painful..."

it caught my attention.  I'd received an email from a friend that I'd made several years ago during a time when my spirit was in a period of evolution.  My growth of spirit caused some painful changes in the relationship I was in.  My spirit needed to grow and couldn't do it in the shell of the relationship I was in at that time. 

It needed to expand so for a time, that relationship changed.  My SO moved and took our children with her.  My spirit exploded.  I made some very intense friends and connected with some very intense and emotionally advanced women.  One of those women was the one I received the email from.  She said that based on what she'd read on this blog showed her that I was very different now than I was then.

She's right.  My spirit evolved.  I learned lessons.  I brought that back to my current relationship and fully believe that this is where I'm supposed to be and want to be.  I'm more settled in and calmer spiritually.  Not necessarily temperamentally.

It doesn't diminish what I had back then.  I was supposed to experience that as well.  And learn from it, which I have.  It's made me who I am today.  It prepared me for what's to come.  I wouldn't make any different decisions if I were given it all over to do.

I miss those women.  I miss the energy that was around me then.  I miss what I was surrounded by.  I love what I have now and have learned to balance the "then" with the "now" and it works for me.

My spirit is still evolving but not nearly as explosive as it was then.  I'd like to think that there is more maturity which means taking measured steps towards what I'm supposed to become.  I would hope that there's more awareness on my part.

We'll see.  I'm looking forward to the journey.  I remember what I was when I met my friend and I use that as a guide or measuring stick for what I am now and what I will turn out to be. 

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