Seems like forever since we were there last but it's been only since March. Time for me to recharge again. I am drawn inexplicably to the ocean. I think it's the sensations of the sound and wind and rocking of the water, the rhythmic crashing of the waves and how they make smooth the roughness of the sand. In some ways they bring order to the chaos of the tiny grains. They wash away the footprints of those who walk by.
Life is chaos and I don't know about you but I do things--mundane things--to bring order to that chaos. Loading the dishwasher kills the chaos of the kitchen and the mess of feeding the family. Ironing kills the chaos of the wrinkles on the cloths. It puts sharp crisp lines in the pants where wrinkles and muss once were. Getting work off my desk brings order to the chaos of dealing with the mess of employees and humans in general.
Humans create chaos although almost every single one will tell you they hate it. They will tell you--myself included--that they prefer an ordered life and yet we do things that shake up that ordered life.
We have children. There's chaos multiplied. They are messy both physically and emotionally. We have husbands and wives and partners. They are messy. Some take on extra lovers. There's a mess and all the while we keep saying we prefer order. Crazy ain't it?
Life is messy. Life is chaotic. Human need the chaos to thrive. Put an animal in a cage with nothing to do and watch it go slowly crazy. Put a human in a cage with defined structure and order and watch it go crazy. Watch that human do something to create chaos. We aren't wired to do the same thing day in and day out. We need change. We need chaos.
Love is messy but we need it. We crave it. It's probably the most chaotic of all. It makes us crazy. We do things we wouldn't normally do. We fight. We make up after the fight. We do things to pick fights just so we can make up. We laugh and cry and get frustrated enough to chew our shoes. And yet, we look for it over and over as if we keep trying to find the perfect chaos.
We need chaos. But we also need something that gives us the illusion that we are taming that chaos. Conquering that chaos. For me, it's the ocean. It's ironing or cleaning the kitchen or hugging my children or hugging my wife. For those few moments I've killed the chaos monster knowing full well that in the next 2 minutes something will happen and the chaos monster will return.
I'm alive and I know it because chaos makes me feel it. Finding order makes me strong enough to defeat it and face it again.