When Did it Get Cold??

Holy cow. I got up this morning and was unprepared for the temperature outside. Even Cora Beth bitched when I tried to start her. That's my truck. A 91 Jeep Comanche 4wd, 6cyl, 4.0 bossy truck that is sometimes temperamental. Gets that from her owner I suppose. I wouldn't' trade her for the world though.

We're coming to the end of the year and the holiday season. We do Christmas and Hanukkah but we don't over do it. One, we can't afford it but two, we don't want the boys to grow up thinking they're entitled to everything they want. Everybody has limits. I think the oldest is OK with it. The youngest is still in diva mode and expects to get everything he wants. Boy, is he in for a let down.

We're still looking for an RV that we can afford. I have faith that it will work out. I want to do this before my SO no longer remembers what we're doing.

Life is fairly show right now. No real crisis to deal with. The boys are doing well in school. I manage to avoid my boss for the most part. He's focusing his attention on someone else in the office. Attacking the weakest. He's horrible and must go.

I have a party tonight and one Saturday. Good friends. Should be fun.

Time Flies....

Thanksgiving is over. We went to visit my SO's family out of state. It was a good trip and I would imagine we'll be making that trip more and more often while my SO's still remembers. The boys are really enjoying their cousins. It's a shame that we have to travel out of state for the boys to play with their cousins knowing that they have some here in the city and yet either my brother or his ex-wife won't allow them to get together more often than gatherings at the parental units' house.

What a fucked up family I'm part of. They have no idea what I'm or this family is going through. I visited my step mother today. She asked what was wrong with my SO. I know I've told her--told them all---but they don't really pay attention. She said she was sorry when I told her. I'm not even sure she really cares. I don't give much energy to it anymore. Just makes me angry and I have other things to be angry about right now. Stupid people isn't something I need to waste time with anymore.

We've decided to make the most of what we have left and God only knows how long that will be. There could be a rapid deterioation within just a few years or we may not see any further decline for many years. Who knows? So, we've decided to look at good used RV's so that we can do some traveling and camping. Everybody enjoys that. I know that I should be focused on getting out of debt right now but to hell with it. Doesn't make any sense to pinch pennys now and wait to have fun when we run the risk of my SO not knowing what is happening years from now. So we live life today. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed. I'll deal with tomorrow when it gets here.

Not so much sadness anymore

So the oldest has been going to MASE for about a week now and is really doing well.  He gets up without fussing, does his homework and doesn't mind putting on the uniform and tie.  The only problem is that he brought home a bitch of a cold day before yesterday and even had to miss a day of school.

The youngest starts Monday.  He's very excited.  We bought his supplies along with a voice recorder so he can record his teacher's lectures.  The thinks he's big stuff now. 

It's given the SO some much needed relief.  She says she actually feels rested now.  We're looking into some medication for her fatigue.

We're going to the Ornamental Metal Museum's iron pour tonight.  That should be great fun.  If you can, come out and watch.  Molten iron poured from a big machine into molds.  My kind of fun.

The youngest just watched an episode of Mythbusters and is now outside making shiny mudballs.  And people wonder why I have a cocktail now and then.

Oh...we just ate lunch at the Bar B Que Shop on Madison.  Best ribs and sauce in town.  I could drink the sauce.  I could pour it in a cup and sip it.  It's just the best I've ever tasted.  Here's their webpage:  www.dancingpigs.com

Go, you won't regret it.

I Have an Anger, a Resentment and a Sadness

Our homeschooling days are coming to an end. Because of my SO's disease, she can no longer homeschool our boys. That saddens and angers me. This disease is slowly eroding our way of life. It's taking away some of our freedoms. Because we are having to put the boys in school, we will no longer get to make our annual trip to Florida. That really saddens me. The death of a tradition.

I hate this disease. I hate what it's doing to my family. I hate that science doesn't seem to be working very hard to cure this or prevent it.

I'm angry for my children because their lives are being profoundly impacted now. They must go to school and will not be thrust into situations that we'd hoped to keep them out of. They are losing their educational freedom and to some extent their innocense.

I'm just angry. I'm resentful. I'm sad both for my SO and me and for my children. They are frightened and I there's nothing I can do to fix that for them. They are angry. I can't fix that either. I can only support them.

I'm angry for the disruption this is causing my family. I can't fix that right now either.

Today is my oldest's first day at MASE. He is no longer a homeschooler. He is being pushed into a setting that nearly makes him sick at his stomach. I can't fix that either.

I can't fix any of this and that makes the angriest of all.

Election Night

I can't stand it.  The tension and the anticipation is driving me crazy.  And yet, here I sit watching this ......train wreck.............this autopsy.............this public display of sex.

Ok, maybe not that because that would be or could be enjoyable.  But the other two are pretty accurate descriptions of what watching election returns is like.

I should go read a book and just wake up tomorrow and scream that Santa has been here.  Or Satan, depending on who wins and I'll not give my hopes away here.  Some of you can probably guess though.

Good lord, make me get up.

I know this is history in the making but I can't stand the suspense.

I'm going to go read. 

See you tomorrow.

Camping at Chickasaw State Park

We drove up yesterday to camp just the one night.  The boys and I went and did a little fishing.  Nothing was biting where we were.  Would probably help to have a boat but we don't so we just played by the water and wasted some worms.  Later, around the campfire, we commented that watching the fire is just as entertaining, and maybe moreso, than watching TV.  I could stare at the fire for hours.  The boys enjoyed it.  No computers.  No Wii, Nintendo or whatever else they have.  We did some walking, wood gathering, fishing, talking and enjoying the company.  It was very peaceful and relaxing.  I should add that Chickasaw is very close to the town that I did most of my growing up in.  I lived in Henderson from 8 years old until 15 years old.  I loved it and used to run in the woods from the time I got up in the mornings until it was nearly dark and time for dinner.  The woods around Chickasaw are just like the woods I played in.  I had lots of memories come back to me.  It was good.

I didn't get much sleep.  Never do but just because I don't sleep well isn't a reason not to go.  Everybody else sleeps fine.

I'm ready to go back.  It's just 2 hours up the road and it's a beautiful drive.  We found a second lake but can only fish on that one if the camp isn't rented out.  There was a father and son duo out there.  He showed me the fish they'd caught.  Some damn fine Crappie.  Someone will eat good tonight.

Won't be us unless we go out.

The dogs are exhausted.  Both of them ran and ran and swam.  The yorkie found something in a wood pile next to the water that he wanted really badly.  He was furious with me when I took him away from it.  That's all we need is some snake bit emergency out there in the middle of nowhere.  Silly animal.  So he walked in the water just to get back at me then made sure to jump up in my side of the car and walk around allll over my seat.

Little effer.

Was a good weekend.  Made some memories.  Enjoyed the moment and will do it again.

Odd Occurances

Wow, the powers-that-be really do work in mysterious ways.  I had to take my truck in to have some work done.  The shop is right down the street.  I was waiting on my SO to pick me up but didn't see her when I walked out of the shop so I started walking down the street.  She pulled up later and picked me up on a street that we don't normally drive down.  Ever.  Not once since we've lived where we do.  As we're driving, I see a truck that belongs to a friend whom I've not spoken with in over a year.  I've left a couple of voice mails but nothing back.  I knew she'd moved from the house around the corner but didn't know where she'd went.

Until today.

We drive by and see her partner outside so we pull into the driveway and find out that my friend has been diagnosed with stage 2 metastatic cervical cancer and is facing the prospect of having everything taken out because it's metastasized to her pelvis.  She was diagnosed over a year ago.  We also find out that her partner was diagnosed with stage 1 lung cancer.  Both are going through chemo and radiation.

We'd have never known that had I not started walking home.  Had I not seen my SO drive up.  Had the timing been just right to drive down that particular street and had my friend's gf not been standing outside the front door of their new house.

Tell me there isn't a power larger than ourselves guiding our hands.