Here's a picture of the kitten we are fostering

His name is Kellen. He's about 4-5 weeks old and cute as a button.

We have good news!

So, a friend suggests that I send an email to Cindy Wolff with the Commercial Appeal and let her know what was going on about the kittens. I do. She writes me back and--long story short--she puts us in touch with the Director at the animal shelter. We weren't able to save the other babies but we did end up saving a cute as a button 4 week old kitten. We've also been set up to help with the rescue and adoption program.

Ernie was very nice and apologetic. He seems very eager to work with us and is grateful for our help. My partner has another meeting with him set up for Thursday. I'm not sure what details need to be worked out but am certain there are a few.

I don't think we could have done this without Cindy's help and we are eternally grateful to my friend to for the suggestion and to Cindy for the help. I'm sure it will be a great adventure from here.

I'll have pictures soon.

I am FURIOUS!!!

My partner was coming home from a secret shop out by the animal shelter and felt this overwhelming urge to go. Once she got there, she went on the cat side and saw in a cage 3 tiny not yet weened (or shouldn't be anyway) kittens. She went to the front and offered to foster them. They shouldn't have been there. There was no mother and here was NO way they were eating solid food. NOBODY at the shelter would let her bring them home and in fact, one of the workers said they usually just let them die.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS????? What happened to the crackshot director that was hired from Arizona, or where ever? What happened to compassion? What happened to common sense?

She has called twice and only gets voicemail. She has emailed twice and gets NO response. I'm sure those babies are dead. Left in a cage to slowly starve. I'm outraged. How could humans do this to a helpless, defenseless kitten?

I suggested we go back and just take them out. Let them arrest us. I'd love for this to hit the news. We're going to try again tomorrow but I'm betting that they're dead. Victims of uncaring, unthinking humans.

My Youngest and Japan

We put him on a plane Saturday morning for Los Angeles then Japan. Wow. 10 days in a foreign country halfway around the world. Wow. It's a little nerve-wracking. He'll be ok and it'll be a once in a lifetime opportunity. Can't really deny him that.

I'm still grinding my teeth over work and the nonsense going on there. Enough to make you crazy.

Denial Redux

Maybe I live in a state of denial. For those of you who
don't know, my partner was diagnosed 2 years ago with early onset. She was 44
at the time. That seems awfully young in my mind. She still functions fairly
well based on what I'm seeing. She does tire more easily than she used to but
is still able to travel and plan that travel. She keeps a blog and sometimes I
read things that she hasn't really talked about. This last post startled me a
little. She talked about sleeping more, leaving the boys to fend for themselves
during the day and not able to hold a thought for a day after her last trip to
Nashville.

See, I don't see that. I see her at home where she's
planning meals, cooking, cleaning, bathing, getting the boys where they need to
be. Maybe I'm living in denial or maybe I choose to be blind to it, I don't
know. What I DO know is that there are days when I'm angry, ANGRY at whatever
higher power who is supposedly in charge. And then I wonder if (insert your
god/goddess) really gets involved in the day to day. If there is a god, I have
to question why that god would do this to a person and a family, especially one
that has young children in it. It isn't helping that our 15 year old is angry
about this and acting out towards her. That is taking it's tole on my mental
and emotional health. Work is in a state of turmoil right now so I don't need
that tension when I come home but don't know how to fix
that.

And then there's the rest of my family. That's an entire post all by itself and maybe I'll tackle that soon. Suffice it to say, she isn't accepted there and neither are my kids. I won't put myself or them in that situation again.

And I'm scared to death of the day when she can no
longer take care of herself and what that means for the rest of us. I'm already
seeing the woman that I fell in love with fading away. I see the changes
including the personality changes. I know that if I met her today, I wouldn't
give her a second thought. I fell in love with the fire and opinion and fight,
not with what she has become and that's hard. People say that she's the same
person you fell in love with and I have to say, no she's
not.

This isn't like cancer or an accident that changes
someone's looks. I could deal better with that. This robs people of their
personality, their senses of humor, their interests and desires. All of which
is what I fell in love with, not her looks.

I don't know what the future holds. We take it a day
at a time and I continue to believe that a cure or better treatment is just
around the corner. it's the cynical side of me that believes that because
there's way too much money to be made for the pharmaceuticals NOT to find that
cure/treatment.

And here's what really makes me angry. Our government
is talking about bailing out all of those people who chose to live beyond their
means, who made irresponsible choices in home loans and yet, our government
won't recognize my relationship so that I could better take care of my partner.
We've followed the rules. We have made sacrifices so that we could live within
our means and we are punished. I can't get health insurance on her. We can't
afford a separate policy because of the expense. There are decisions that will
have to be made but I can't make them unless I have a piece of paper giving me
permission. I WANT to take care of her properly and can't.

20 years, we've been a couple. Next month, 16 years we
will have been parents twice but I can't provide healthcare for her. I'm angry
with the system and with this disease and lack of understanding for
both.

I Felt Fear Yesterday

I read my SO's blog post...well, one of them, and felt fear for the first time since her diagnosis. She talked about how she's losing ground and must leave the boys to fend for themselves during the day. She talked about not being able to hold a thought after getting the boys to camp and Kendo practice. She talked about sleeping more. And I've noticed that she's eating more. I wonder if her brain thing has something to do with both of those.

For the first time, I had a brief glimpse of what my future possible holds. A partner that can't take care of herself.

And then she leaves me a voicemail talking about how she had to go to one of her volunteer positions and begin coordinating the Arts and Crafts fair. I'm confused. This disease is confusing and horrifying.

On top of all this, for the first time EVER, I had a tiny anxiety attack when I walked into the office. I work for an acting Manager that knows NOTHING about the department he's been put over. Who does NOTHING to help with the work load. Who has NO idea what he's doing and can 't make a decision on his own to save his life. I bet he can't go to the bathroom without calling the VP to ask how to do it.

I was ready to quit.

Thankfully, it passed. Hopefully, things will change soon.

Some Things You Never Want to Hear Your Partner Say to Your Son

"I don't care if you DO have a stiffy. I need to get in there and feed my cat."

He's 13 and guess what has come alive. Yup. God love him. The thing has developed a mind of its own. I'm sure the males reading this will be able to sympathize.

All I'm thinking is here we go again.